Alone …

Have you felt alone in this world , eventhough your surronded by bunch of good friends and a very good caring family … hmmm ..rethink on it … Sounds like more exaggrated thought …yes … lemme continue … when this is happens … a desolate feeling … a walk in desert … a thirsty feeling … alone … dark
.. strange thoughts …

feeling lonely is not new … I remember I felt this when I was in tanjore ..my sweet childhood…that day still I cant forget … I was asking for a toy to my grandpa ..he was grandpa and he refused my request … I was angry on him..on this world ..on everybody ..on myself .. then wat ..walk -away from home .. walk walk until my
leg felt pain… where I am? hmmm… its a temple … am near my favourite temple… (ya beleive I was so crazy on Hanuman when I was chotta … I painted him for about 4 hours continously and I stil have that picture with me …) I sat near a pillar till its turned dark…It was so dark …so alone … and expecting someone to come and give me hug and take me to home … but a small thought … no ..How can he refuse my wish ..its a simple toy .. y cant he buy it for me… let him come here and ask for my forgiveness … I was
waiting for him …seconds to minutes… minutes turned to hours.. hours past … praying … My eyes are expecting him … No more guts to stay back..eventhough it is temple and people
surronded and prayers going on … still I felt empty … alone … Atlast I accepted my defeat and thought go back home … Wait … somebody is coming towards you…yeah it my grandpa … ohh..he came here all the way finding me … As expected a big hug from him … and I felt very happy now ..like a prince
getting his power back … ..even without my wish fullfilled … But after reaching home the story turned into different shape .. ha ha ha ..sweet old memories ..

Ok back to the topic … Have you? You hate yourself …everybody going away from you… all the things you do ending up in a mess… you become enemy for yourself … you hate yourself ..you are at the edge … standing without any hope in life … no vision … no plans … nobody to watch you ..nobody to
appreciate you … you are left behind .everything moves up .. you are lost … you found a rope … with all your energy catching it … expecting a hold from that ..but that rope is very weak ..I came down immediately … Life suddenly turned to be long…boring ..misrable… You are remembering your happiest moments in your life … the smiles … the tears … the kisses … the hugs …everything flashes … a single moment … past smiles…past tears … past memories … all are left behind like a shadow … Its a black hole … a white shadow … which existing deep inside you … you are afraid to think about that … you are afraid whether you will be occupied that … you are living the moments with the things passing nearby you .. the people passing nearby
..talking to you ..listening to you … You are constructing your own life with this characters … with the things existing … you framed the rules to react for each session … you mentally prepared to laugh..to smile ..to cry for the actions … Everything is good … everything is past ..good memories ..bad memories .. old memories ..past is past … forget it … come out of it …

A beautiful world … Sweet mother with great smile in her face … a proud father seeing his son’s heights … a lovly sister expecting more and more courage and tips from you … a good circle of friends who never calls , mails or talk about you with others ..but always you in their mind … in each thing they do … they will remember your existence … a good working environment …where the others judged you well.. where the others know your strenghts and weakness better than you … A brand new world ..with new things … new lessons … everyday… everytime .. everymoment ..forget everything ..forget the black hole … a brand new future … a sound and good environment … some nice and private moments to share … a new sunshine ..a new flower bloom …a gentle wind flow … your favourite cold rain … a nice hello from your friend … everything is here … Where are you ???

Sat alone, lonely in my room
Pondering on mixed thoughts
What shall I do next to pass the time
What can I do to occupy myself
Thoughts all mixed up, undecided
So I do nothing, but feel lonely in my room
Shall I listen to the radio, watch the tele
Read a book, draw a picture
Can`t decide, so I do nothing
Just sit in my room, craving company
Drinking another cup of tea
Thinking of everything and nothing
Confused, depressed, angry and lonely
Wishing for my former life
What keeps me going
The hope it will be alright in the end. (-from somewhere in NET)

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